Election for Retirement .. ?

Dear Mr.President,

Congratulations on your being elected for retirement !

Well I wouldn't call you by your first name and suffix a 'da', not because I don't want to proclaim my knowledge of Bengali but because 'da' in Tamil is disrespectful. I need to respect you for your age, right ?

Mr.President, you might have to be content with living in the 340 room villa in Delhi ( henceforth called RB aka Rashtrapathi bhavan ). You would not enjoy the power-cuts that a free Indian enjoys as also the water shortage. However you would enjoy the solitude and peace of mind that the position brings you.

Just some pieces of advice to spend your retired life :

1. Go for a walk daily. You could choose to walk inside the villa or outside, in the Moghul gardens. But while walking please remember that the birds on top of the trees in the garden have a place to rest while many thousands of free Indians are free to rest in platforms.
2. Do not hesitate to talk on the phone. But ensure that you don't talk on the same phone everytime. have 4 to 5 mobile connections. You might never know which number Chidambaram has tapped.
3. Do not speak inside the RB.Chidambaram could have bugged the place  Please come out into the garden and speak or better don't speak at all for even if you speak, it wouldn't make any difference to the lives of the millions that are in the platforms.
4. Perform Sandhya -Vandhanam, err... Sonia-Vandhanam three times a day. This will ensure a peaceful retirement for the next 5 years. Your predecessor did that. Her predecessor didn't do that and hence has to spend time lecturing students and foreign universities.
5. Please ensure that you have time for the 'Living Thiruvalluvar' from Tamil Nadu, whenever he visits Delhi on his wheel chair. He would start coming soon once the 2G case is completed, to visit his family in Tihar. Better, spare a room for the old guy in your mansion so that he doesn't have to travel back to Chennai.
6. Keep in mind that the 'Living Thiruvalluvar' has demonstrated his sense of 'social justice' by voting for you and not for the tribal from Meghalaya. I know that you belong to that obnoxious community that should be riled at every opportunity - that is what the Socrates of the South has taught us.
7. Once you rest comfortably in RB, you will develop a deep sense of mercy and compassion. That has got something to do with the architecture of the RB. Hence accumulate all the mercy and compassion till the end of your term so that the same can be used to shower benevolence on the state guests Kasab, Afzal Guru and the Rajiv killers for they know not what they have done.
8. Please engage better speech writers for your annual tryst with the TV (Aug 15,Jan 26 etc ). Your predecessor, the lady who had her office out of the Air India plane, was so woefully pathetic that she didn't even know she was reading the previous years' speech.
9. Please read 'The Hindu' regularly to know about what is happening in the government and also to know what Arundati Roy has to say about the suffering Maoists.
10. Oh yes, beware of the Bengali anchor Barkha Dutt - the one who wears a slawar with a duppata and a 1 Re sized bindi only when ever she interviews Bengalis - she will be soon at your home to interview you. Please accept the interview as she is likely to help Sania Err...Sonia form the next govt.
11. Before I forget, ask your gate keeper to say " Addressee Not Found" for any posts that would come from Gujarat or Tamil Nadu. They would be pestering you for justice. Never mind, they know not that they don't belong to the Indian Union. The two states would automatically fall into the Union once the DMK and the Congress form the govt in Tamil Nadu and Gujarat respectively.
12. Finally, please perform the following  Manthra Japam 1008 times a day 
1. "We need to abolish black money"
2. "Poverty alleviation is our prime concern"
3. "Children are our future leaders"
4. "We will preserve communal harmony"

Before my patience drains out, please declare independence to West Bengal - கொசு தொல்லை தாங்க முடியல